Reflectionsof A Stay At Home Mom

Am I really that overprotective, or do these people not know how to take care of their kids?  Our neighbors have a 3 year old and a 4 year old, and they have free reign to go anywhere, parents no where to be found.  The 3 year old walked in the middle of the road, to the end of the cul-de-sac to look for his dad.  Where was dad?  On his motorbike (non-street legal, might I add) down the block.  I couldn't tell you where mom was.

Never, never, never would my 3 year old  be outside in our yard without me or her dad right by her, let alone able to walk in the road without us. I know where my kids are ALL the time, especially outside.  They don't understand the concept of a car and that one could kill them, they don't understand the full concept of strangers and that they could be taken by them.  They're too little to understand those realities, that's why we are here as parents.

Well, it's been quite a while so I decided to try this blogging thing again, so here goes.

As this baby gets closer to being born, I can't help but feel jipped out of an experience I will never have: a natural birth. I had 2 previous c-sections, so naturally this one has to be a c-section because my hospital doesn't do vba2c's.

With baby #1, everything was good. I started labor around 4pm, but didn't realize that it was real labor til the next day around noon. Went to the hospital about 5pm the next day, got checked in. Everything was going good, but I wasn't dilating. Then I had to get the baby monitor on, so I couldn't walk around like I should've. They then tell me I need an IV, which made me freak out because I can't handle needles. When they put it in, baby's heartbeat dropped, which made them put me on oxygen, which made me worse. The contraction pain was pretty good by now, so I got the epidural (HUGE mistake). It wore off a little while later, and the extra shot didn't work, so they gave me Nubian. I was so high that I couldn't complete a sentence and didn't understand half of what anyone said to me, it was not a good experience at all. A couple hours later, I was able to push. I tried for 3 hours. Nothing. The Dr. even tried the vacuum thing, but it didn't work. So off to emergency c-section. They put me out, and at 4:01 am a beautiful baby girl was born. Turns out she was "sunny side up", which means her head was facing up instead of down, I would've never got her out myself.

Baby #2 I wanted to do a VBAC. My Dr. was all for letting me try, even though he was sure I would end up with another c-section. I needed to try for my own sake. I told hubby that if I ended up with a c-section we were done with kids, because of my intense fear of needles, knowing that I was destined to never be able to have a child naturally after that, but he would have to get snipped because my decision couldn't be last minute in the OR. My labor started around 4pm, and it was terrible. I only felt contractions where I was cut open, and it HURT. Got to the hospital around 2am (yes, I have really long labor). Got checked in to my room. I got an IV right away, "just in case". I got the epidural because I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I meet the on-call Dr., who proceeds to tell me that I am probably going to have a c-section. He left and I was MAD. I did not want a c-section, and wasn't going to have one. 3 hours later, no progression at all, even with "perfect" contractions. He came in and told me we were doing a c-section, I begged for another hour, but nope (I wish I would've stood up for myself more). Turns out his shift was almost over, and he either didn't want to be stuck at the hospital, or didn't want to leave me for the next guy. I then asked to be put out, because I knew I couldn't handle being awake. Nope on that, too. He was not nice to me. So, they start the c-section, and I can feel everything he is doing, no pain, just pushing and pulling. So of course I freak out, and hyperventilate. He told me to calm my breathing down (jerk), I then tell him I'm trying to. The anesthesiologist then gives me a drug and I went to sleep. Woke up when the baby was born, and all I could say was, "Aw, he's crying." and went back to sleep.

Well, obviously, hubby never got his end of the deal done, and here we are with #3 on the way. I will be having my 3rd, and last c-section October 9th. I will never get to experience a natural birth, and feel as though I was jipped out of a part of being a woman.