Reflectionsof A Stay At Home Mom

Well, the terrible two's are upon us. Actually it's more like the terrible 18 months and so on. Zebediah is 22 months old, and is a VERY independent little man. He is just like a man too, lol. He loves cars, makes "vroom vroom" noises in a very growly voice any chance he gets, he loves his tools and "fixing" things, very hands on, and has very selective hearing. Selective hearing meaning that whenever he hears a woman's voice, he pretends not to hear, lol.

So, he has decided he doesn't have to listen, he can tell mommy no (even if it's to being sent to the corner), he even has started to hit. Ugh. So, now we have to stop spanking because of the hitting, because that's where he's getting it from, and he thinks it's ok to hit. I don't like spanking much anyway, so that will be a good change. But, what do we do to curb his defiant behavior. Well, I just went to my trusted source of advice, Parents.com to see what they had to say. I found the 5-Second Discipline Fix, here's some exerts:


The Friendly Approach to Discipline

Let's face it: If you had a dollar for every time you wanted your child to do something, paying the bills would be painless. You need him to listen up so you can make it through the day -- and keep your home from becoming a total disaster zone. Yet, like most parents, you probably don't want to be a nag (or a drill sergeant), so you constantly ask your child to cooperate. You figure he'll be more likely to pick up his towel off the bathroom floor or sit down at the dinner table if you come across as friendly rather than bossy. After all, you'll catch more flies with honey, right?

It seems like a reasonable approach, especially since that's the way that we typically talk to adults. "Being polite in our society requires making indirect requests, such as 'Can you pass the salt?'" explains developmental psychologist Linda Acredolo, PhD, a Parents advisor and coauthor of Baby Hearts. "If you interpret this question literally -- as young children always do -- it isn't actually a request for salt, it's a question of whether or not the person is capable of passing the salt." (Of course, you'd never expect your dinner companion to simply answer, "Yes.") So when you ask your child, "Would you like to take a bath now?" he thinks that you're actually offering him the opportunity to say no -- even though you really meant it as a polite way to make a direct command. The result? "You get upset and your child gets upset -- and confused," says Dr. Acredolo.

Watch Your Tone

Of course, that doesn't mean you shouldn't be nice. "Research has shown that children are much more likely to cooperate when parents use a pleasant tone of voice," says Alan E. Kazdin, PhD, professor of psychology and child psychiatry at Yale University. "Please" isn't called the magic word for nothing. Using it can get your foot-dragging toddler to put on her pj's without a fuss. "When you're giving your child instructions, it's also crucial to be very clear about what you want her to do -- she should be able to picture the behavior in her mind," says Dr. Kazdin. For instance, it's much more effective to say, "Please go into the den and clean up all the crayons on the table," rather than, "Didn't I ask you to clean up your crayons?" (Rhetorical questions will get you absolutely nowhere.)

The final word: thanks. "It's particularly important to acknowledge your child's efforts by saying 'thank you,'" says Dr. Acredolo. "We're all more likely to cooperate in the future when we feel appreciated."

Give Choices

The most effective way to get your child to cooperate is to give her two choices -- both of which you'll be happy with. When you say, "Do you want to wear your blue jacket or the green sweatshirt with the hood?" it'll be a win-win situation: You give your child a sense of control, and he'll be ready to go out one way or the other. Don't offer a toddler or preschooler an open-ended array of options ("What do you want to wear today?") because the decision will be too overwhelming. "Of course, you can't always give your child choices because you would never get out of the house on time," says Dr. Kazdin. "But do it whenever you can."

To get more tips go to parents.com, they have wonderful advice for everything. So, tomorrow we will be trying these tips and see how it goes. I'm going to give it a couple weeks, but I'll let you know what works, and what doesn't.